Okay, so, here's the thing. I just broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years about 3 weeks ago. Actually he broke up with me. Our relationship wasn't good for a really long time, so, even though it hurts, I've accepted it and decided that I need to dip my toes in the water.
So, there's this guy, a good friend of mine, who has been interested in me for the past year or so. I was interested in him too but I never really took it seriously until my boyfriend and I broke up. So one night we were hanging out and flirting quite a bit and I ended up going home with him. My intention was not to have sex but we did end up sleeping together. At first it was okay, but a couple days later we slept together again. Both times both of us had been drinking, but I'll say that I really wanted it to happen, even though as I said before it was not initially my intention. The thing is, he keeps telling me he doesn't want a girlfriend (and I as well do not want a boyfriend) but that he likes me. But when we're sober and out with people now I feel like he's ignoring me. I guess it isn't completely true, but I think I figured that he'd at least show some of his feelings outside of his house. He told me he doesn't want to be my rebound, and I completely understand that, but I almost feel like I'm being taken advantage of. Tonight our mutual friend was picking on us (because he knows we like each other, no one knows we slept together) and said that we should go on a date, but when I asked if he actually wanted to he said that he would but not on the day in question. I told him (jokingly) that he should make an honest woman out of me, and when he asked me about it I told him I felt like a slut. He seemed confused as to why. I guess I'm a little confused too. I think really what it is is that I want him back as my friend. I don't want to date him but now I like him so everything is so uncomfortable. I forgot what it was like to be out in the world again and I really hate this. I don't know how to act and it's pissing me off. I told him I just wanted to be normal again and he seemed confused about that too. I don't know. I think we're confusing each other because we're both sending so many mixed signals. What do I do???
Responses to this article:
--- Wednesday, October 19, 2005 -
Answer by: Red_Roses
Yikes. I apologize first before heand here -- because this might sound a little um, insensitive -- but you take a huge huge huge risk by sleeping with someone without without without dating before-hand.
Not to say that there's guarantees if you sleep with someone even when you're dating... but you definitely take way more of a risk by just skipping to the sleeping part and disregarding the whole dating thingy. Yeah, ok -- I get the part that you two have liked each other for so long, and are great friends, but sleeping together suddenly without "evolving" the relationship to the romantic level, and suddenly one fine day just jump into the sheets -- wow. I can only imagine how uncomfortable and confused you must be.
What to do from here? Well, I think that you're on the rebound. I think that at this point, you should stop sleeping with your friend for one, and focus on getting over your ex. While you are probably not over the ex, sleeping with someone so soon isn't going to make you feel any better, but worse. This is already obvious in your post.
As for your friend, you can't blame him for any of this, or get mad at him because he isn't acting like he's your boyfriend. He probably just sees it that you two had sex, and he, like you, doesn't know what to make of it.
I think you should give yourself some time... time to yourself minus any sexual/romantic relations with men -- until you get past the pain of your former relationship. It's going to take some time; five years together is a long time... and you need to grow from this. Once you are over the ex and are ready to date, then get out there and make yourself available to meet new people.
As for your friend, I don't know what you expect from him, and he for you -- but at this point, you should just have a talk with him that sleeping together isn't a good idea for you two at this time. If you want to be friends with him, then tell him you want to be his friend, and that means NO SEX. As for any interest you have in him and he possibly in you, don't put it on the table until you are ready and know what you want, and if you want to pursue him, your friend, in that way.
LOVE QUESTIONS & ANSWERS: Love Q & A : Get your love & relationship questions answered - NEW!! Love Q&A Forum | Old Love Q&A Love Pros : Professional Help with love's challenges & relationships
