This is a long shot. I've been split up with my boyfriend for 4 months now. We were together for 8 months. The thing is, I have a mental disorder which makes me doubt myself a lot (anxiety and OCD FYI) so I split up with him because I was having panic attacks about whether or not I loved him. I still spend a lot of time with him, I trust him and genuinely enjoy his company. I feel so safe with him. He knows the score so I've not led him on or anything - please don't think that about me! Everyone says I'll just know if I love him but the thing is, at times, I know whole heartedly but sometimes I just can't tell. Logically, I know there is a whole lot of evidence for me loving him - and I know love isn't about logic but that's all I've got. Whenever I try and force myself to believe that I don't love him I just get really upset. I know you're not therapists, but I'd appreciate any comments based on what you've read. I'm in turmoil. I know he loves me, but he doesn't deserve a girlfriend who doubts her feelings for him. He deserves the best. I hate the idea of us not being together again but I'd rather it was this way, when we can still be affectionate and brilliant friends with each other, than get back together with him and screw it up all over again. He's my soulmate, I believe that we should be in each other's lives - as friends or otherwise. Sorry, I've waffled loads here. Cheers for reading.
Responses to this article:
--- Sunday, January 22, 2006 - OCD
Answer by: poppydance
Thanks for your response. OCD causes distressing obsessive thoughts which are difficult to control, in my case, the thought that I don't really love my ex and I'm just pretending to have feelings for him so I don't hurt him. I don't know how much of this is true, which is also a part of the OCD. The thing is, you say that you worried your bloke didn't love you, yet you say you knew you didn't love him. Why did it matter if he loved you if you didn't love him anyway? I don't mean that to sound disrespectful, it's a genuine question. The thing is, I try to believe that I don't love him but then I get this overwhelming sense that I absolutely do from time to time. I'd say regularly actually, when I look at him, I just want to cry because I feel so much for him but can't do anything about it because I can't be sure I'm not just pretending (at the time obviously, I'm not pretending...but the OCD makes me believe that I might be, so I just don't know). I've tried to accept that it just wasn't meant to be - but I don't believe that. Like I said, I feel like we're soulmates. I just don't understand. I know this is a ramble, it's quite rushed because I'm working on an assignment for uni. thanks for your insight anyway, I appreciate it.
--- Friday, January 20, 2006 - ocd?
Answer by: eskemo
what is OCD exactly? i know its obessesive compulsive ..n stuff. but how do you know you have it.....i kinda feel the same way as you, same situation what not, but in my case I doubted the fact that he loved me and blah blah blah, andi knew i wwasn't in love with him. So blh blah blah a long story, but If he loves you then thats very special. it's something i would keep, but i get what you mean by him deserving a girlfriend that loves him. maybe it's just not working out? it's hard to really accept and you find all these excuses, because we really hate the sound of the TRUTH. so be honnest, and yes it might be good to let him go, yet you might be loosing A LOT.
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