Well, I finally found love. It was at the end of my senior year in high school. I was 17 years old. I got to know him quite well over the summer but always held back because, yes, I AM A VIRGIN. I am waiting until marriage to have sex and I thought that once he found this out, he wouldn't want to be with me. Well, he found out right before graduation but it didn't seem to affect him negatively in any way so, we continued to talk. I fell deeply in love with him over those months but in August, it was time for me to leave. I went to college 4 hours away while he went to school at home. I love him so much that I came home every weekend ( a 4 hr. drive) just because I missed him so much. Then things started to change. I would call him and he would catch attitdes with me for no reason. He would always snap on me and he made me feel awful until, I just stopped calling. When I stopped, I didn't hear from him for two entire months. Those were the most painful months of my life. One day, he just ups and calls me and says that he had been thinking about me a lot lately. He also had some other news. He had gotten his EX pregnant and now had a baby on the way. Through all of this, my love for him didn't change. So we started back talking and it was real good to just hear his voice everyday again. My world was brighter. THis didn't last for long. He began to get mad at me for no reason at all and stop talking to me for nothing. It made me feel awful. Everytime he had one of his "non-calling" spells, I wouldn't call him (eventhough it hurt so bad) and he would usually call weeks later and apologize for his actions. THen, a few weeks later he'd do the exact same thing again. He's the one having sex with females at home while, I am the one waiting for marriage yet, he accuses me of being with men down here and always seems to be so upset with me for no reason but, I love him so much. I am 18 yrs. old and have only loved one man and it is him. I am just tired of him playing with my heart but I don't want anyone else. I mean, I am far away. If I wanted to be with s/one else, I could but I love him more. He's the only one I want but I am truly tired. What do I do?
Responses to this article:
--- Saturday, January 28, 2006 - Note
Answer by: JonathanR33D
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--- Saturday, January 28, 2006 - Me again
Answer by: JonathanR33D
Sorry to bother you again... especially at times like these. But I just read the beginning of your article again. You said: "Well, I finally found love."
All I can say is.... "DAMN"....*long pause"......It's hard to face reality when you have convinced yourself that you have found the one for you. Now I'm not saying that he isn't because anything can happen over time. And I do mean it when I say "over time," because that's the only way "I personally" see the bright side of this. It just makes ME feel bad to see people write these nice and long paragraphs, in hope for a positive response. I'm sure you all would like to hear just about any thing other than a negative report. I am sometimes afraid people would end up disliking me because of my opinion on their post. I'm only 20yrs old and have really seen the harsh side of these things ALREADY!!! This is why I know how it feels for someone to say that it's probably not going to work. I would do just about ANYTHING to avoid feeling the way I once did just a couple of years back. ANYTHING!! I felt as if I took the worse type of pain a man could take. Worse than bullets or fire. It could even get to the point where you have these crazy thoughts that I don't even want to begin to discuss. Pleaseeee don't let this get a hold of you. Good Luck!!!
AskJonathan@Gmail.com
--- Saturday, January 28, 2006 - My two cents
Answer by: JonathanR33D
Hi Anonymous,
Your situation only cause me to reminisce what I experienced when I fell in love for the FIRST time; it was awful! But actually, I learned that most people go through this the first time they fall hard for one. And because it's the first time you have ever felt that way about someone, you don't know how to deal with - or even control the feelings. And, of course, if it don't work out in your first relationship - it's kind of harder to fall deep for someone else. You are then more skeptical & afraid of being hurt again.
Intuition told you right. In these situations, it actually tell all of right; we are just to stubborn to accept it. You know that he's taking advantage of you. Obviously, you made it known to him TOO SOON that you fell deep for him. Deep enough that you would drive the long distance to see him. In some cases this isn't a bad thing to do though, but he could have at least come half way... or make a way out of no way to come see you. And since we're on the subject, I'll make it clear that the more work you put into a relationship (the driving across town, etc.), the harder it is to let go. This actually make sense in many situations - not just in the game of love.
I'm not here to tell you how to run your relationship, or tell you to do away with him. Neither am I here to convince you to keep him IF he's a chump. I just want you to go with intuition; it WONT lead you in the wrong direction. It is nothing more than those feelings you get... & the thoughts you have about the relationship. And here are a few of a million questions it brings to mind:
1: Do you actually FEEL his love for you when he IS around? 2: Do he put as much work into making the relationship work?
Please don't deny that these question have come to mind. Intuition is like a brother to me, so I KNOW that it brings these question into thought. If you are honest with yourself, this should tell you where this relationship IS, and where it is GOING. The latter question is really significant; I couldn't stress more how important it is. Put yourself in his shoes and in real world situation. Would you handle the relationship as he did, or differently? Would you really be that way with your GF if you cared that much for her? Just as it takes two to argue and kill a good relationship, it takes two to make a relationship work. Get my drift?
You should really make a wise decision in your situation. You say you are in school, right? Don't let anything or ANYONE mess that one possesion from you. Your emotions alone can harm it all. Personally, I don't see nothing more than a cycle forming here. A good idea would have been to call it off with him long enough for him to get his head straight. But then again, you said he stoped talking to you for two whole months at a time... and nothing clicked for him. Actually, you said he did somethingn similar several times, correct? So much for the benefit of doubt. If you opt out, keep your head up for something better. Time will heal where you are hurt. Good Luck!! And hope for good news to come out of all this!!!
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