I have been dating this woman for 3 months now. She has said in the past the "she really likes me." We have already slept together and admitted she enjoys my company, as well as, having "relations" with me. However, 2 weeks ago she admitted that she still has "love" for her ex. They have been broken up for more than 1 year now and he does not want to do anything with her. I should point out that the relationship with her ex was with her best friend whom she pretty much grew up with. This is the first time she has dated outside her circle of friends. She treats our relationship as a friendship. After talking about it she said she will not "give me the title of boyfriend/girlfreind" despite the fact that we do things that normally boyfriends & girlfriends do. At age 26 she has the issue of "the girlfriend title" which is one reason why she is not with her ex. He did not want the freindship with benefits thing and the last time we hung out she admitted that she has had suicidal thoughts, but admits she could never hurt herself. I know this type of thinking is not normal and she has also admitted that she will seek professional help. We have not spoken in a several days now; as if she was distancing herself. My question is what do i do? Should i just stay as friends? I mean yes i really like her, but i am at a lost because the way i feel about her.
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--- Monday, January 30, 2006 - My two cents
Answer by: JonathanR33D
Hi Blazed,
WoW! What a situation. Her first step is to get some professional help because from what I heard, it seems that it's over between her and her ex. She just need to face the fact that this guy has moved on. But it's going to be hard because of the relationship they had prior to all of this. They grew up together!!! I could only imagine the pain she's feeling right now. Just when I thought I felt the worst pain imaginable. The girl that caused my pain was just someone I knew for about a year.. nothing more. I had the same crazy thought from just that, and I thought that I had been hurt in the worst way imaginable.
As for you... well, your timing was just completely bad. A good time for you to come in would have been after her recovery - which takes much much time in her situation. But think about it this way. Because of her emotional situation, she is NOT available in NO way right now for a serious relationship.. trust me. So for right now, it's IMPOSSIBLE to decipher what real - or how she really feel about you.
You could be the guy she only dreamed of; the one every woman could only imagine of having - and you know what? It wouldn't matter at this point. Her situation is THAT serious. Now I don't know if you've ever been scorn to the extreme, but if not, I'll just tell you this. It feels like hell. You feel like it's just impossible to recover; as if you're going to be depressed for eternity UNLESS that ONE person come back into your life. You just don't want to know that there's someone else out their who can make you just as happy at that point, and you really could care less. I hope you get my drift because there's much more to it that I don't have time to put in this POST.
Your objective right now is to start back communicating with her and go along with things as she desire. Be a friend in a time of need; and trust me, she really could use a good friend right now. Now don't go and tell her that it's over between her and her ex., and that he's not comming back. That's just for HER to realize in due time. If you play your role and help her right now, she will be pleased in the long run. She will then realize what you had put up with during the worst times, and how helpful you were during the recovery. And if she likes you as you've stated in your post, anything is possible after the recovery. She will not only find you attractive, but much much more(example: good listener, helpful, & caring - because you were all of these when she was going through). Good Luck & Be optimistic!! Keep me up to date on this one :)
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