Title: I cant stop cheating Help

By: alexis

So here it goes, I'll try and keep it short.

When I was 14 I started dating this boy (he was 15). We dated for three years a long time for being so young. Everything was great in the beginning as it always is, but things began to change. He ended up being very abusive mentally and physically and when I tried to break up with him he threatened to kill himself, and he was serious. So, insted of leaving I ended up staying and cheating on him. I was young and scared and I didn't know how to leave. By the time I got the courage to end things I was 18 and cheated multiple times. He did end up in a mental hospital for attempted suicide and stalked me for years afterwards but thats a different story. I believe this was the start of my problem.

I am now almost 22 and I have been single about one month of my life after breaking up with that boy. One relationship lasted 2 years and I am now in a relationship for about a year and a half or so. My issue is I cant stop cheating on my boyfriends. I honestly dont know why I do. I dont even want to cheat I just get in a situation and I dont stop it.

I really love the man I'm with now. He is everything I have ever looked for and treats me fantastic. I really am truly happy but I still find myself cheating on him. I have a feeling it's due to insecurity and the fact that I crave attention from men to prove to myself that I'm worth something. After being with such a terrible person for so long I think I have learned to look for affection from the wrong place, men. I know this is the wrong attitude but I don't know where to start to fix it. I don't want to ruin my relationship and I can't tell him what I have done or we will be over. I think I have found the root to my problem. I need to be happy with myself so that I dont need attention to make myself happy but I dont know how to do this. Everytime I tell myself I won't cheat again and I feel awful, but I always end up repeating my mistakes. I dont know how to fix it :( If you have any comments PLEASE tell me. Anything might help. Thanks.