Title: Cousin

By: eggybaby

My (first) Cousin can't contact me anymore cause I changed my Email address. (my fault)
Growing up, I was attracted to her but never 'entertained' the notion - for the obvious reasons. We always got along well at gatherings, even up to as recently as 1 to 2 years ago. It was never spoken between us, but we'd hold each others glance and hug goodbye, for just a split-second longer. We live 700 miles apart now, both have children of our own and only see each other once a year - if that.
She wrote me a nice (maybe too nice) Email (first in about a year) wishing me a happy (40th) birthday. She said how she'd always wished we could be closer, how I was always in her 'special place' when she'd need to escape. This, amongst other sentiments. At the end she wrote 'I love you'. The letter made me feel good and those feeling we're immediately restored and I was happy to read that she felt that way (at least I percieved her to feel that way).
Now, being that it was Email and being that we're so far away.....
I wrote her back and affirmed to her that I felt the same way. In my reply I added how I often felt heartache when we'd part after family gatherings. I mentioned I was always attracted to her and revealed her features that I liked (hair, eyes, smile). I also put 'I love you' at the end.
The next day, before I'd heard back from her, I re-sent the same Email with a sub-title "that first Email may have been inapproprite, here's how it should've read" and edited-out anything objectionable (closnes, attracted to, heartache).
That night, and the next day, it hit me and I really felt scummy. I still hadn't gotten a reply from her yet either. I wrote her back; SUBJECT- 'I'm an idiot'. I asked her if I took her original Email out of context (after re-reading it, I thought I may have). I told her I was so sorry.
No intention or expectation of either of us disrupting our present lives - just telling her my feelings through this new medium of Email.
It didn't occure to me that someone else might read her Email since her address was 'hername@aol.com'
Here's the kicker:
Her husband read all my Emails, even before she did. Her eventual reply back asked that I not write her(/them) cause it just makes him more upset whenever she gets an email from me. She said she explained to him we were closer, as cousins, than most but nothing innapropriate ever happened. She added that he didn't believe her (after having read the Emails) but was just going to have to get over it.

My question to you, where can I find a large rock to crawl under? Preferably, one where it's cold and wet with lots of spiders and worms.
I'm either a coward or a slim-ball, or both, either way you slice it, right? Or no?
Thanks, Gollum.

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Thursday, March 16, 2006 - ummmm....
Answer by: Danni1