Title: Relationship Ruin

By: Gurrrl

My boyfriend & I have been dating for a year and a half now. We've had disagreements/arguments, but always managed to get through them.

When we first met, my boyfriend told me that he was a non-smoker. His sister had mentioned, 6 months into our relationship, that he had been smoking since he was 15 years old. At first, I was upset that he had hid that from me for so long. Once we talked about it, I felt better & he agreed not to hide anything else. He also decided (on his own accord) that he wanted to quit smoking altogether. I completely supported his decision & he's now a non-smoker.

This is the only situation throughout our entire relationship where he's been dishonest with me. Ever since that time, I've become paranoid that he's hiding other things from me. It's ruining our relationship because I'm constantly questioning his every move. I know that he would never do anything to hurt me intentionally. I know that he would never cheat on me either, yet I find myself sneaking around, checking his phone bills for unusual numbers & worrying when he goes out with his friends. I'll over-analyze stupid little things until I'm so mad about it, that I confront him & we end up fighting.

Here's an example of how my thought process would go: If we're going to bed & he forgets to kiss me good-night. I'll lie awake in bed for hours wondering why he didn't kiss me. I'll think that he doesn't love me anymore. Then I'll decide to talk to him about it. Of course, he gets upset & tells me that I'm over-reacting. We end up fighting about it.

In retrospect, I know that I'm over-reacting & being silly, but at that moment, it never SEEMS silly. I'm constantly nit-picking silly little things about our relationship. It's getting to the point where we fight almost daily. I do love him very much & I want to stop obsessing over the little things so that we can start enjoying our relationship the way we do when we're not fighting. If this doesn't stop, the relationship will come to an end very soon. How do I learn to stop being paranoid about things that don't matter????