I am totally, completely in love with my boyfriend. We met about two years ago, liked each other almost immediately, but we didn't say anything, and he moved away. We didn't keep in touch or anything, but I found him online after a few months and we emailed at first, and then when I confessed I still liked him and he said he still liked me, we started talking on the phone. We talked on the phone everyday for quite a while, and we always had a lot to talk about, just random stuff that never got old. He always sounded so happy to talk to me. When he came back for Christmas, we got together, so we've been together five months now, and he's been gone most of it. But now when we talk, things are different. He's always tired, and I know it's because of his job, but still. And we never have anything to say. We talk maybe 10 minutes everyday, and most of that is just awkward silence. I don't know whats the matter. Because I love him and I want to be with him the rest of my life! How can I make this long distance relationship work? What's wrong? And how can I fix it?? Please help! He means everything to me, and we have to continue the long distance when I go off to college and all...
Thanks for the advice... He's in the army, approximately 760 miles away, and he has been for a year and a half. And I have no idea when I will get to see him again; I've only seen him 9 times in the past year. I know a lot of people my age think they know what love is and make plans too hastily when they're really just hormone-plagued idiots, and that may very well be what this is. By the way, I am going to be 18 next month and he is a few years older, so it's not like we're stupid 14 year old emo kids. And we do talk about how things are going... which is, we're both very lonely, and we still don't have anything to say, but that always ends in, "I love you," not breaking up. Thanks. But I adore my soldier, and it really would be the end of my world if he left me. If you have any more advice, that would be great. My main question is really, how can I put a spark back into a long distance relationship?
--- Monday, May 29, 2006 - Input
Answer by: darkwolf
hurtingunderneath had some good advice, but I'd like to expand it a little bit.
You never mentioned how far he moved. Is it driving distance, and are you of driving age? Perhaps once a month you could drive to him and see him, or he could drive to you, if you guys are of that age. If not, I think you need to calm down about the wanting to be with him forever thing, that is a difficult decision to make and not one you should make if you aren't even old enough to drive. If you are of driving age and your parents just won't let you drive to see him, I understand that, my parents were that way as well. And maybe I'm totally off and he lives so far away it would be impossible to drive and see him, I'm just throwing that out there.
I was in a long distance relationship once. We lived 5 hours apart, and I spent 2 hours everyday on the phone, but after awhile we had less and less to say, and our relationship got more and more stale, until I got dumped, simply because my partner couldn't handle the stress of a long distance relationship. I thought I would never get over it, and I cried myself to sleep for months, lost tons of weight, started seeing a shrink... but now I'm doing great, met a wonderful guy that I hope to get engaged to and marry in a couple of years. So even if this long distance relationship fails, you have to realize that it isn't the end of the world, and you have to get out there and move on, meet other people.
If you guys have lasted 5 months, I think you are doing pretty good. Maybe he is just depressed that he can't see you, is stressed about the long distance thing, has a stressful job... I'm sure school is also stressful, and maybe his home life isn't going well... it could have nothing to do with you. Maybe he just needs things to calm down, then he will be back to his old self? It is possible. The only way you will know is to talk to him about how you feel things are going. Tell him your concerns, that he is acting tired, you guys don't talk much. Tell him how you feel about him, how much you care about him, and ask how he feels about the relationship, but be prepared for the answer. It could be a wonderful answer, but this conversation also has the potential to end in both of you being single, but it is a conversation you have to have.
--- Tuesday, May 23, 2006 - Talk to him
Answer by: hurtingunderneath
well sounds like he may be havin doubts long distance relationships dont work a lot of the time but it sounds like it can work for u two if u have already made it 5 months then it could work but hes probably confused about what ur thinking and what to do just tell him how u feel and u care about him and u want to be with him....if things r still awkward then mb u should find someone closer to u....but its up to u and how u feel about this guy if u really love him and cant live without him then u will find a way. Good luck!!!
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