Hopefully i get a few more answers this time than i did last time :P. Ok anyways I have been friend's with this girl i know for about 4 years now. When i first met her she blew my mind, she was pretty much i figured everything i was looking for in a girl. We hung out once but to make a long story short she ended up with one of my good friends for the last few years. But not before i became really close friends with her and have stayed that way. So i stayed single for a while and managed to push the girl out of my head, she was a friend and only a friend and i managed to keep that line pretty clear. I ended up getting an amazing girlfriend who I'm currently with. We've been together for a year and a half now. Except within the last 8 months or so i've slowly been thinking more and more of my friend. The attraction was always there, and truth is any girl i've ever looked at or thoguht about i compare to this girl. Back in january she was at alot of parties i'd be at and she started to do some wierd things around me. Everyones always said that they can sense a tension when the two of us are in a room, and even i realized i can too. Alot of people have said we should even be together or that we will be. In the begining tho i brushed it all off, she was a friend and thats all. My girlfriend hates her because she thinks that i've been cheating on her. In fact shes destroying my relationship over it, when really nothing has gone on. Although shes destroying it over other shit to. So anyways at parties and such she would do small things, the usual, like play with her hair the whole time i talk to her, bump into me more than usual, when she would talk to me she'd stand wayyyy to close to my face, like inches, much more close than anyone would be comfortable with. Of course my girlfriend saw all this and wasnt happy. Me and my friend started talking almost every night for a month or two. Before this we had had a period where we didnt really talk for like 5 months and i really missed her durin that time. So during schoole every wednesday me and my friend would hang out for like an hour or two in between classes. My girlfriend thought this was incredably sketchy, and that i was being a horrible person. Then my girlfriend decided that was that she hated her and i wasn't allowed to talk to her or see her (sorta rediculous, its not like my gf knew anything, she just simply said i hate her, you cant talk to her, one day). So one day my gf and my friend got along and were friends, and the next day just hated each other. So obviously i haven't done that, i've been talking to her but haven't seen her except at an occasionasl party or something and then we ignore each other, which makes the tension about 1000 times worse because you can tell we have to do it on purpose. So anyways she recently broke up with her boyfriend (my friend). She's been really upset every night, partially over him and partially because she can't talk to me or see me. She's always told me that I'm like a brother to her and thats it. And she talks to me about other guys occasionally, mostly like "What do you think, does he sound nice" and that bs. But the thing is is when im around her or see her she does NOT get a look in her eyes that says "He's like a brother to me" its definatley a different look all together. And she'll look at me constantly, and even though we can't talk now she'll find some way to be near me. Even my girlfriend says that it's almost like a pathetic romeo and juliet, except the problem is i never even did anything with her and nothing EVER happened, we were just friends and i never knew where any of that stuff came from or why people would say it. And unfortunatley, i think of her now more than ever. I feel like shit because lately me and my gf have been having alot of problems, and i literally can't get my friend off my mind. I was always so good at keeping that line clear as a friend and now theres no line anymore, and if there was im way past it. I think about her way to much, i'll wait up to talk to her when i can. She always tells me that i need to break up with my gf, that shes not right for me (shes never liked a single girl ive been involved with, theyre always not good enough, or somethin is always wrong with them) She's always been to me pretty much the perfect girl, and everyone's always said that we act wierd together. Even her boyfriend (my friend) accused us of having somethin, but there never was. Even people walking down the street have said things to us about us when we would be together at a place. So anwyays all this has added up and now i have a huge problem. I have a girlfriend whom I care about deeply, but i can't help but wonder if maybe im really sposed to be with this other girl, we do have alot more in common, small things but stuff like we both want to backpack across europe, or love history stuff like that, little things that me and my gf dont have. And now that things are getting shaky in my relationship ive been talkin to my friend again like every night. And i really can't stop thinking of her. I even dream of her for no reason sometimes. I'm just confused as hell because everthing was so perfect and now everythings gone to hell. And to top it all off i still wonder if her having a thing for me is all in my mind or if its real. And if it's real why would she talk about other guys or tell me im like a brother in the first place. Also i can't directly ask her or tell her how i feel, because theres a good chance she'd tell my gf cus they hate each otehr and have a little private battle. Well if you all read this i really appreciate it, i know it's wayyyy to long. Even if anyone doesnt tho it's good to get off my shoulders. I have NO ONE i can talk to about this, not a single person and it's really hard thinking about all this without gettin out, so thx for the advice.
Responses to this article:
--- Wednesday, May 31, 2006 - Neat i got a response!
Answer by: AdrianThorn85
Wow i got a response and its actually really helpful haha. If you read this again Darkwolf and your interested in finding out how this all started go to 06-01 posts and read one called "Friendship out of control", thats whe it was all starting and everything she was doin that made me wonder about her in the first place is in there. First and foremost i definatley would never cheat on my girlfriend. I really do love her, it's just that im completley unhappy and have been, although i find it funny that she thinks im cheating on her anyways when im not. Second i should talk to my friend but i dont have the balls. I will talk to her but i really have to wait till i feel its right. Other than that honestly hte advice is helpful. It's mostly exactly what i was thinking i had to do but it's nice to hear someone else say it, backing up what i was thinking. And as for my friend the funny part is he thought his girl and i had something going on when we didn't, so we actually are already past the point of talking about going for his girl he already thought that i have in the past. For now i know the time isn't right. She's just gotten out of a long relationship and frankly it'd be unfair of me to even bring this up now, i don't think she's going anywhere and i dont think i am anytime soon. If i was going to do anything it would have to be after i feel things have become comfortable and everything isnt so fresh, with my girl and with her bf. As for my own relationship though i still dont know. I really dont want to be alone but your right it isnt fair at all to be with her, or if im going to be i have to devote my time to her and trying to fix it. Well certainly alot to think over, thanks for the advice any more from anyone else is welcome :)
--- Monday, May 29, 2006 - Advice from a 20 year old girl
Answer by: darkwolf
Hi, Sounds like you are really stuck right now. I never really dated much in high school, and I never had a problem like yours, so I'm not sure how qualified I am to give advice, but you seem to want input so I'll tell you what I would do.
First of all, I think that your guy friend comes first (your dream girl's ex). Bros before hoes, lol. How would he feel if you dumped your girl for your dream girl, which is now his ex? If he would be alright with it, then read on, but if not, you should stop thinking about being with her right now. Friendship is way more important than love/lust, friends last a long time, while it is very uncertain how long a lover will last, as much as we would like to think forever.
If your guy friend is alright with this (if you don't know how he would react, you should tell him you have something very private and serious to talk about, just between him and you, and make sure he won't tell anyone, and don't make a big deal out of it, just ask him how he would feel if you and his ex got together, you should have a talk with your dream girl. You say you can't ask her because she might tell your girlfriend... but I think that you need to talk to her alone, tell her it is important, and VERY private, that she is not to mention it to anyone. If she really is a friend, as you say, and sees you as a brother, she will understand that she needs to keep the conversation private. If you don't think she can do that, perhaps she isn't the type of girl you should be looking for, because a good girl will realize that private conversations are not meant to be blerted out to make others jealous. Talk to your dream girl, tell her how you feel about her, and ask if there is any way she could see herselp dating you. If you are too scared or embarrassed to come out and say it, there are ways to disguise it. For example, you could talk to her about problems with your relationship and instead of asking for advice from her, tell her you wished you were dating someone a little more like you, who you got along better with... like her. If she doesn't read between the lines, you may have to come out and say it after all.
I have been cheated on before, and it sucks. Cheating is horrible, and it shows you have no respect for the person you are dating and feel they aren't even human. Please, no matter what happens, don't cheat. If your dream girl says she would be interested in dating you, let your current girl go right away. Make sure she knows that you didn't cheat on her, even though she probably won't believe it. Maybe you and your current girl have some mutual friends who you could make sure know that you are not cheating, this might help a bit for her to hear from others that you didn't cheat.
Even if your dream girl says no, she really does only see you as a brother and doesn't want to date you, you should rethink your current relationship. I don't think people should break up because they had a little arguement, but if you are fighting constantly and she doesn't even trust you when you really haven't done anything, it might be time to say goodbye. It isn't fair to either of you to be together when you are just fighting and miserable, because instead of fighting and hurting you guys could both be out meeting new people, or enjoying single life with friends. Maybe, in the situation that the dream girl says no, you should sit your girl down and tell her how you feel about the relationship. Who knows, maybe it will be a wake up call and she will shape up, and you guys will have a great relationship after that... or she could get angry and dump you, in which case she wasn't even worth your time.
You say you are fond of your girlfriend, which is good, but it isn't fair to either of you if you are thinking about another girl. No matter what happens, I think you should rethink your current relationship. To go through with my advice will take a lot of guts, and I'm not sure if even I could do it, but I would probably force myself to, because your feelings don't sound like they are going to change anytime soon. It sounds like you are still in high school or lower, and most of the time high school sweethearts don't last (sometimes they do, but not usually). They aren't worth making a huge deal about and hurting a lot of people, so just look out for yourself, try not to hurt anyone more than you have to, and goodluck :)
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