Title: long time,1st love & hurt

By: ek

Ok, i want to try keep this as short as possible, about 5 years ago, i met a beautiful girl, we dated for a good few months, everything was good, her ex came back (probably simply cause i had something he didn't) & messed up our relationship, they didn't last long again & in all that time she basically thought about me & even 5 years later, still did.

So we got close again, lots of messages on my phone, really wanted to be with me, i was made up as i have always loved her & felt the same, it's been very painful over the years & no matter what, everything has always come back round again.

We met up recently, however it didn't go as planned, i'd been ill all the weekend before hand (I hadn't eaten for about 4 days) however i tried to ignore that anyway & go over to see her as i didn't want to let her down either.

We met up, had a couple of drinks, she went to get changed however became ill herself, so i was pretty cool about that really, as these things do happen, i was hesitant to believe her at first, however she was still texting me the next night saying she's really sorry & that we'll do it again sometime, hopefully will work better.

I spoke on the phone to her the weekend after this, was a really nice good conversation, we said we won't let one little mishap get in the way of something good & was like "Yeah" we'll sort it again to see each other, it was a genuine conversation.

Then for about a week i couldn't get hold of her, i not only got worried, but a bit frustrated too as all we've wanted was for things to go good, i know nothing in life is easy anyway & the good things need working at, however it has become frustrating at times when their is so much between us & has been constantly over the years (even when we haven't seen each other & it could have easily faded away).

Because i got upset for not being able to get hold of her, the wek before we were going to arrange to meet up again, i sent her a bit of a message saying "Why are you messing me about" etc.. & in the message i said she seemed shallow (I felt negative, upset, hurt etc..) & now she seems upset about it all & doesn't talk to me or very rarely replys to my text, she says she needs time out.

I said to her, look I am sorry, i'm paying for it now as i'm really hurting, what more can i really do, i never grilled her this much when she's apologised (such as when we last met & she became ill, i lost money that day too), but it didn't matter because i was mroe upset that we didn't get to spend much time together, after 5 years, it is going to be a little wierd at first but over that initial time, things will settle in & be ok, we didn't get the chance.

I love this girl, i always have done, she wants a real genuine relationship now & she really came back to me big time after all this time, texting me every day, calling me, for around a month and a half but thats all changed & it's hurting, all i want now is for things to just go well.

I really do think "Thats it now" however i've had that instinct deep down in my heart before & been proved wrong every time, but i don't know, it's not going to always come back is it or are we still going to be like this between each other in years & years to come?

The bottom line is, i do genuinly love her to bits, i am a decent & genuine person, she knows this although i did get a little upset & yeah, maybe said a few things out of being upset (surely we all say things we're not too proud of when upset), but it's like I feel as though i am being really grilled because of it.

I don't think i should contact her now though, let her come to me if she wants me again as I've said I'm sorry & don't know what more to say or do, i don't feel i should beg because again, if she can't respond to my text messages or answer my calls, then what should i do, not in an arrogant way, but it's not my loss because i would give her everything, she knows this, look after her, love her, I am an extremely true & honest person, the lot, she knows all this & I've never done anything to really hurt her, apart from maybe say a couple of thigns recently out of being upset (for all i know something could have happened to her, i wouldnt have known, all sorts going through my head to why i can't get hold of her), i agree maybe i panicked a little bit, but you know, i was worried, i didn't know where i stodd or aif she was ok or anything, & i care about this girl.

What do you suggest i do, i really don't want to hurt no more, it does feel a bit as though I've done something like majorly wrong, but I haven't really, she feels that because i've said a few things i hold a grudge towards her cause of way back, which i really don't, if that was the case i wouldn't have come back for her after 5 years.

Please add some advice & thoughts, it's very very much appreciated & I'm extremely thankful, because it's something i really need right now.

Take care & hope all is well !

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Saturday, June 24, 2006 - thanks.. but only difficult thing is ..
Answer by: ek

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Wednesday, June 21, 2006 -
Answer by: Hidakaiko