Title: So lost.

By: Bloomoo

Sorry if this ends up long.

I've been through such a struggle in the last 2 years. Beenwith my boyfriend since i was 16, just turning 17. We were together 2 years, got a house after the 1st year when his job offered him the opportunity to go work in america for 3 months. He went, he came back and work told him then that they would let him work there permanently if he goes tries it again for another 3 months and decides. First time he went, he went in january on 21st march he txts me while hes still there and says he wants to stay already. I'm completely devestated. I beg and beg him not to. He comes home in april and i see him, hes only home for a week and he tells me he doesnt feel for me what he used to. I'm too jealus, over the top etc. He does'nt want me to go with him.
He goes again, we split up but we talk like 4 times a week on the phone and we also play an oline game togerher and talk over that using a mic, so we don't lose touch. He comes back to the UK again in august and he asks to see me. We meet and it all comes flooding back, everything goes back like we're together. We spend the whole 4 weeks hes here toegther, then he goes back.
This time he's there for 6 months, he comes back to the UK in February, we end up seeing eachother again and everything AGAIN fdalls back like we're together, we have an amaxing time, go on holiday, get a flat together but its' only temporary as he has to go back in 5 months. He went last night. I'm absolutely heartbroken, just as i thought maybe i had a chance with him again, he leaves, i've been a total fool. We talked about leaving it, never talking again but he said he wanted to, i said i wanted to aswell but that was selfish and cruel and theres no point i have to have chance to move on, but he wants to talk so i agree. I'm so completely lost. I'm terrified of seeing him be with someone else. What do you do? how do you prepare. I'm in so much agony i couldnt go into work. Its as painful as the first time. I don't know what to do. Cutting off contact would be best, we both know that, but we're best friends, we know the most about eachother than anyone ever, never spent a day apart in our first 2 years. I'm so absolutely unbelieveably gutted.
Please help, how do i get past this? i have to talk to him, i dnt want to lose him as a friend but what do i do? how do i stop the images and anticipating him being with someone else? Please.