The following advice is derived from reading several books authored by psychologists, psychiatrists, communication experts, and even the Dali Lama. The information is backed by scientific studies, thousands of years of teachings, personal experience, and my personal experiences.
Know You have Total Control how you react to anything, what your perspective is, how much something is going to affect you... if you realize you have that control and USE IT!
This is TRUE for everyone. It isn't a theory or a supposition, it is a scientifically proven fact. You are in Control of what you think and how much something affects you. You control how you look at things, your perspective, and how you react to everything in life. When someone "angers" you, you are really just allowing that to happen.
Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice. -- William Jennings Bryan
Care about others, have compassion, loving kindness. And be open-minded! When you do you will really listen to others, and they in turn will be open to you. This with commitment makes for a good start in a relationship.
Make your actions match your words, and both match your head and heart. - Gregg
On average, across cultures the most desirable traits are:
Taken from survey data (Buss 1994, 1995).
What college students want most in their partner:
Taken from survey data (Buss 1994, 1995) of unmarried college students.
Importance of love in who you marry differs across cultures. Love is:
#1 in the United States
#3 in Iran, with education, intelligence, ambitino and chastity (virginity) being more important.
#4 in Nigeria, with good health, refinement/neatness, desire for home and children being more important.
#6 in China, with good health, chastity (virginity), and homemaker being ranked higher.
#7 in South Africa-Zulu, with such things as emotionally stable, mature, dependable being ranked higher than love.
In nearly every culture, women are more stringent in their standards acroos a wide range of characteristics. This, some anthropologists say, is because they spend more time in caring for the children.
Resource for this information: Introduction to Psychology, by Rod Plotnk.5th Edition 1999.
Suggestion ... read these two books:
|Suggested reading for people in a relationship or looking for a long-term relationship.
The book title is not what the name should be, should be "how to know who to go after and how to get them!"
Whatever you do, get to know the person and be with them in as many situations and circumstances as possible. Take your time. See all sides of them, the good and the bad. And see if you both love each other afterwards... that is one test of Love.
Also remember, there are times when it doesn't "feel" like you love someone. The "Romantic Love Rush" isn't there, that is when commitment to each other is important and THAT is when True Love builds.
Realize that when you first meet someone, and maybe for a few years after that you can be infatuated with someone. That is the "Love High" or "Romantic Love Rush" we get. Only after that, and we truly know the person we love, the good and the bad, and accept all, does being "in love" set in.
Being "in love" involves commitment, acceptance, caring, trust and more (check Cornerstones of a Relationship). It is a place where your heart is calm and satisfied.
Infatuation can lead to being "in love" later on, but only if the Cornerstones are in place.